It is a normal behavior of many children to feel very happy when they play games and look sad when they do homework. On the other hand, if you feel sad when you play games and feel happy when you do homework, it will make many people feel "abnormal".
Moreover, I don’t think it’s very possible to achieve the goal of “having a sad face when playing games and being happy when doing homework.” Of course, it’s not impossible if you make some efforts starting from kindergarten, but The probability of success is still quite low.
But if we can lower the goal and change it to "having fun when playing games and not worrying about doing homework", I think it will be relatively easier to achieve.
Yes, this article is an article about how to help children overcome their gaming addiction and like to learn. It has a lot of content. I hope you will gain something from reading it.
About the game
A "successful" game must be one that makes the people who play it "happy". Otherwise, children will naturally not show a liking for a game that makes them cry as soon as they play it. At this point, I don’t think we have to go to the extreme of letting children become “unhappy when playing games”.
Just allow your children to reasonably control the time they spend playing games.
Regarding this point, I'm afraid it's still difficult for children to control themselves, and parents usually need to be involved. We don't need to learn those very extreme methods, such as parents practicing hard on their own in order to make their children "lose interest" in games. For example, in order to allow children to learn with peace of mind, parents give their children "power training", etc. I think this is not a good method, because in essence it does not solve the status of games in children's minds, but many times the direct impact becomes Indirect influence, but the influence itself still exists objectively.
So I think we should aim at: you can play games, but you can control yourself and the time you play games.
How to do it?
Let me share some of my experiences in life. By the way, my child is in fifth grade. Like children in many families, my child is very happy when he plays games, and he is also very happy watching others play. The most important thing is The thing is that the game is pretty good. For example, in Honor of Kings, I was able to solo queue and drill etc., and I also played pretty well in PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds and other messy games. But he won’t worry about studying. Our daily learning volume is at least double that of ordinary students, but it has never affected these things because he likes to play games. Moreover, children enjoy games and also enjoy the benefits of learning. Sense of achievement – the child’s grades are quite good.
So I say that if our goal is to prevent children from playing games at all, it will be too difficult, but to make children "know" how to play games, it shouldn't be very difficult. I will share the following points for your reference:
1. I also play the games my children play, especially the games they like to play, and I also analyze what needs to be done if you want to play the game well, as well as the fun aspects of the game and how to "trap" people. place and so on.
In this way, I will have a more interesting topic to talk about this game with the child – you must know that if you don't know what the child likes and then you tell him that "it" is not good, it will be useful for young children, but for such an older child, it will be useful. For children, they will only think that "you don't understand the fun part of it", so your request is destined to be impossible to impress the child. In the end, you can only say yours and he plays with his.
for example:
The reason why I play Honor of Kings with my children is because my children’s classmates all play this game, so my children also want to play, and they are obviously the type to get started quickly. Coincidentally, I am also such a person. So I will try to shorten the time my children play games and use this part of the time to talk to them about games.
We talked quite a lot, such as each character’s equipment, inscriptions, skill points, character restraint, playing methods, coordination and other content related to the game itself. We also talked about why this game is so popular and why it makes people so popular. Many people are addicted to it, why so many people are willing to spend so much money on it, how the game is developed, and how many living examples are there to prove the dangers of addiction to games. So the "derivatives" of our playing games appeared – children are more interested in learning mathematics, because they know that this thing is the basis of almost all technology, so children are also interested in "programming" and are interested in boring things. You won’t have much trouble coding (I learned C++)…
On the other side, our game continues to be played, but…
2. Agreement on game time
We initially allowed our child to play games on weekends, but after consultation, we felt that this was not good because he would always be thinking about it, so we simply made a goal challenge: we try not to play during the entire school day. This is really difficult, not only for children, but also for parents – because you have to make up for the happiness that they have "lost", instead of taking the opportunity to add more learning tasks to them.
Therefore, on weekends, in addition to necessary studies, we need to spend some time with our children to do something meaningful, something that can make him happy, or at least something that can make him relax. Only in this way can we make up for the regrets caused by the lack of happiness.
Letting children know and understand the game itself is far more meaningful than simply prohibiting children from playing games. When a person's understanding of a thing becomes deeper and deeper, it is often the time when he loses interest. This is common to many people, and children are often more likely to show it because their lives are generally more monotonous, and they prefer the constant emergence of new stimulation and attraction. For example, for most elementary school students, the attraction to hanging out will be stronger than playing games…and this will slowly weaken as you get older.
About learning
Who would like to study?
The answer is: People with good academic performance are more likely to like learning.
This is because for students, learning itself not only brings knowledge gains, but also makes them feel a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction in many other aspects.
For example, because of their progress in learning or achieving good grades, they will win recognition and affirmation from teachers, classmates, relatives and friends, especially parents, and this sense of satisfaction and achievement will bring them a great deal self-confidence, which in turn will make them more willing to continue working hard.
This is a virtuous cycle of positive energy. This is like being addicted to games. Because the experience is so good, they are willing to spend more time on it.
But on the contrary, when children cannot gain these things in their studies, learning will become a burden for them, because no matter what they do, they know that they can't do it well, and it is difficult to achieve success in learning. Satisfaction.
This is actually why many people have been talking about appreciation education, trying to use this method to encourage children to continue to make progress and enjoy the various recognitions brought by progress, thereby promoting their continued persistence and efforts.
So you might as well start from this angle.
At this point, I have the following suggestions:
1. Analyze your own strengths and weaknesses with your children
This link is still very important and will directly affect the implementation effect of all subsequent suggestions. It is recommended that everyone make an outline before doing this communication and think about what to say and how to say it.
The key is that you need to be able to identify the child’s strengths that deserve praise!
You won't be able to find it. Many times when parents cannot find the advantages of their children, it is just because they care more about their children's shortcomings. Because the shortcomings are magnified, the advantages often become insignificant.
How to transfer the advantages to "learning" is a very important step – for example, I have done this, and more than once: my child's mother and I will praise the child's "drilling" in the game ( Can you imagine one plus three people teaming up to play Honor of Kings and Exciting Battlefield?) How to use it in learning!
Notice! What we talk about is "how to use it" and we never say to the children "It would be great if you put this energy into studying!" because the children don't know how to use it at all!
I would tell my children that if you can pay as much attention to the "summarization" in the learning process as you do when studying games, for example, what are the ways to examine certain types of questions, what are the solutions to certain problems, what are your common problems, and what are your answers to difficult questions? Your own research intensity, research methods, etc. can all "carry forward" your "enthusiasm for playing games".
You see, telling your children exactly what to do is far more direct and meaningful than just saying "sorry".
In fact, if you are willing, this is a good opportunity for you to do the following together.
2. Talk to your children about the meaning and benefits of learning
Isn't that difficult?
I just want to remind you that it is best not to be too formal when talking about this topic. It is best to talk when everyone is more relaxed. In this way, this important topic becomes less of a "preaching" and more of a "sharing of experience."
When everyone is used to talking about studies, you may find that one day your child will take the initiative to talk to you about this matter – this kind of thing usually does not happen in families with a lot of preaching, because the child will worry that one of his problems will lead to Come out with your bunch of "preaching".
For example, my child has taken the initiative to talk to me about his learning problems many times, especially now that he is in the fifth to sixth grade. Regarding the question of where to go from primary school to junior high school, he has talked to me about his thoughts more than once. After the exchange, we found that his ideas are quite far-reaching and quite reasonable. We will definitely encourage him to actively analyze this point, because he will continue to improve his ideas – for example, his current goal is to think When he was a university teacher, he knew that he had to get a Ph.D., and if he wanted to get a Ph.D., he had to go to graduate school… In the end, he came to the conclusion that his junior high school must go to a junior high school that was more suitable for him!
So you see, the "meaning of learning" at this time is very clear to the child, and he knows how to use it.
3. Set a “small goal” for learning with your child
No matter how much you talk, it will be in vain if it cannot be implemented into actions. At best, it will make the children "excited" and "confident", but if the children cannot be made to take action, then everything will be in vain.
Therefore, it is very important to set an attainable goal with your children.
You can set this goal to finish reading a book, completing a book of exercises, watching a few videos, previewing how much content…
Then make a form and encourage the children to complete it.
You can agree on a "reward and punishment" method with your child, such as what rewards the child will receive for completing a task and what punishment he will receive if he fails to complete the task. "Games" can be brought in here.
In addition to being banned from playing games for a certain period of time, the punishment can also be replaced by asking the child to write a game strategy composition of a certain number of words…
4. Continuously feel "happiness" in the process of children's efforts
We all know that the most important thing in the learning process is "hard work", especially in primary and secondary schools, hard work can almost defeat talent, and behind hard work is actually "persistence".
Letting children insist on doing the right things will inevitably bring about positive gains. Even if these gains are captured and based on certain affirmation and encouragement from the children, children at this stage will still be more willing to accept recognition and affirmation from their parents. .
And we also know that this kind of persistence will also lead to some changes in children in school, such as better grades, more positive performance, etc. At this time, you can also communicate with your child's teacher and ask the teacher to "praise where praise is due" Once again, those who deserve criticism will be pointed out in a timely manner.”
The all-round recognition and support this brings to children will make them feel more of the "happiness" that comes from learning.
What is "Happy Learning"? It’s not about not learning, but about allowing children to gain happiness in the process of learning, and these happiness will not only be reflected in “scores”. This kind of happiness is far more likely to make children addicted than the happiness that games can bring.
5. Create a better educational atmosphere
This is actually a big topic, and it will take some time to fully explain it. I will just briefly talk about a few more important points here, hoping to bring you some inspiration.
1. Give your children more guidance and encouragement in life, and less criticism, especially the kind of "break the pot" words such as "If this is the case, why don't you learn!", "You are like this, why should you learn?" !"… This kind of thing is not allowed to be said. If you say it, your children will definitely rely on this aspect, because they will think that "since you always say that I can't do it, it's normal that I can't do it."…
2. The relationship between husband and wife has a great impact on the children, and will affect the children's future friendships and marriages. Therefore, if you husband and wife often quarrel or always "find fault" in each other's faults, then you need to Be careful – try not to do this in front of your children. Showing your children more of your loving side will be of great help to your children's self-confidence and optimism.
3. Take your children to participate in more activities or activities organized by yourself. Chat with your children more in daily life. You can share interesting or educational things about your work with them. You don’t have to let your children get any kind of inspiration. Even if the child just knows "right" or "wrong", it is enough, because the child will slowly think about these issues. Communication will help you understand your children better, and your children will understand and trust us better, which will be of great help in adolescence in the future.
4. Don’t be shy and say “I love you!” to your children. It is important for children to feel the love from their parents.
There is a common joke in our family – once we ask the other person to do something for us and the other person does not do it or does not want to do it, we will say "Huh! You don't love me anymore!". This is indeed just a joke, but isn't it another indirect way of expressing "I love you"?
By letting children feel their parents' love, parents will feel their children's love more directly, and children will be braver to express their love to others.
5. I won’t go into details here about whether parents watch TV, play on mobile phones, gossip, or study quietly at home. I’ll just talk about what is the core of a “scholarly family”? In fact, it is culture.
6. Respect the child’s ideas, suggestions and requests, and let the child express himself completely before communicating with him about his problems, instead of being overbearing and just asking the child to follow our arrangements. If a child can fully express his thoughts on a matter, even if it is an excuse for himself, it will be a challenge for him – at the very least, his summary and expression skills will be exercised. The most important thing for a person is to keep thinking. The more opportunities to express, the more opportunities to think.
This characteristic is fully reflected in my child. At home, the child is a talkative, but we never interrupt him. Instead, we are very "cooperative" and let him finish what he wants to express. Slowly, the child His expressive ability is getting stronger and stronger, especially his logic is obviously becoming more and more rigorous. I think this is inseparable from the help of his "thinking".
…
I want to talk about this much. The process of accompanying children to grow is actually not only the growth of children, but also the growth of us parents. Just like the father said to his children in "Galaxy Tutorial": "I'm sorry, I am also a father for the first time." !” Likewise, most of us are first-time parents, so isn’t the growth of our children our own growth? Isn't the progress of our children our progress?
Why don't we try our best too?
