Why do I always fall in love with other people's boyfriends?
July 3, 2003 13:54 People's Daily Online-Jiangnan Times
Oral Narration: Keren Record: Jin Sheng
He called me a "beautiful snake" who plays with emotions.
Being a civil servant became more and more popular. As soon as I graduated from college, I joined a government agency and worked in accounting in a department with good social status and income.Being young and quite good-looking, I am very eye-catching and often have enthusiastic leaders.
, colleagues introduced me to my boyfriend, and some brave boys simply stayed downstairs waiting for me to get off work. But I am not interested in these boys who actively pursue me or who are introduced by others. I have been in contact with more than ten boys, but none of them lasted more than a week. My colleagues all said that I have too high standards. In fact, I believe that falling in love requires feelings, and I have never met anyone who can feel the same way as me. After procrastinating like this for three years, I unknowingly entered the ranks of older young women. Even my father, who had always been very strict with me, gave me some mercy and urged me to "think about life-long matters." But I remained indifferent. , I even suspected that I was not interested in the opposite sex, but it wasn’t until my cousin and his boyfriend appeared that I realized that this was not the case, but that I had a special hobby of "poaching"…
My cousin and I have been together since childhood, and our relationship can be said to be closer than that of biological sisters. My cousin has been working in other places after graduation. She was introduced to a boy named Gang in her hometown. After a year of dating, they were ready to get married, and my cousin returned to her hometown to find a job.
On the first night after returning to my hometown, my cousin stayed at my house and slept on the same bed as me and chatted endlessly. We still talk about everything as we did when we were kids. My cousin loves steel very much and praises him as a rare "Prince Charming" in the world. But when I met Queen Gang, I felt that he was too ordinary and worse than many of the boys I rejected.
My cousin regards Gang as a "treasure" and can't help but bring the topic to Gang when chatting. The cousin said that Gang loved her madly. I advised my cousin not to be swayed by a man’s sweet words. My cousin still firmly believes that Gang is the happiness of her life. She keeps telling me how good Gang is to her all day long. For example, Gang goes to the street to buy handmade dumplings for her. He takes off his coat and wraps it in a lunch box because he is afraid that the dumplings will get cold…
Gang invited his cousin out to watch movies or go to bars, etc., but she insisted on dragging me along. It seems that she is still like when she was a child, treating her boyfriend's attentiveness as a beautiful comic strip that she must share with me. I had no choice but to go along, just like listening to my cousin praise Gang, and share the happiness and joy that Gang brought to her.
Slowly, through my cousin's narration, I changed my view of Steel and discovered many advantages in him. At this time, I didn’t know what was going on, but there was a psychological change that made me feel scared. Steel also cares about me, and sometimes I can't help but enjoy everything he does for me like a girlfriend. Intentionally or unintentionally, I began to like to express myself in front of Gang.
One time, the three of us went out for an outing and it rained. We only brought an umbrella, so the three of us huddled under one umbrella to take shelter from the rain. Smelling the breath on Gang's body, I felt like I was getting an electric shock, and my arms involuntarily pressed close to him. When my arm touched Gang's, his body seemed to stiffen. After a while, his arm responded to mine and leaned closer… This was the "charged" feeling I had been waiting for. This feeling made me feel… I was scared and excited at the same time.
I concluded that I was in love with steel. And Steel also fell in love with me. After returning from the outing, Gang started dating me alone. When we met the three of us together, Gang and I looked unnatural, and my straightforward cousin didn't even notice anything. I felt very guilty, but I still couldn't resist the temptation of love and secretly dated Gang.
My cousin came to me one day, crying and saying that Gang had fallen in love with another woman and wanted to break up with her. After that, I immediately talked to the head of the company and said that I could no longer bear the condemnation of my conscience and planned to quit. Gang said that I was his true love, and said that love is selfish and cannot be compromised.
Gang showed off his cards to his cousin. I am the "third party" who intervenes in my cousin's love affair! The news spread quickly. I was under tremendous pressure from all aspects, and my colleagues at work looked at me a little strangely. My father was so angry that he had a heart attack. I went to the hospital to visit him, but he refused to see me at all and said, "I don't have a daughter like you." I didn't dare to see my cousin. It was my cousin who came to me on her own initiative. She seemed very calm and told me that she would go back to work elsewhere tomorrow. I hesitated to speak, and then said, "I'm sorry…" My cousin interrupted me, "There is no way I can be sorry or sorry about this. I understand. I wish you happiness."
After about two months, my relatives and friends had to accept the dramatic change in my relationship with Gang. The pressure I endured was much less, but I suddenly lost interest in this love that was snatched away from me. Gang always urges me to get married. He said that once we get married, people will believe that we are true love. But I rejected him because I was not ready. Probably because I have overcome a lot of pressure, I feel that this relationship is hard-won. Gang is becoming more and more warm to me and sticks to me almost every day, but I hate him more and more and don’t even want to see him. . I finally discovered that Gang is actually a mediocre man.
When Gang proposed for the fourth time, I said bluntly: "I will not marry you. Because I no longer love you." Gang went home that night and turned on the gas at home. Steel's suicide failed. He was discovered by a neighbor. Also discovered was a suicide note he left behind. In his suicide note, Gang cursed me as a beautiful snake who "plays with emotions for fun". I didn't want to explain anything to Gang, and I didn't go to see him. I was glad that I didn't marry this narrow-minded man.
Cousin Wuwu rushed back to take care of Gang. She found me and said to me coldly: "You took away the steel. I didn't hate you. But now I really hate you. You are so perverted!" Rumors about me quickly spread in the city. I can't stay in this city any longer. I had no choice but to quit my job and plan to work and live elsewhere. At this time, my friend A Zhen from college gave me help. She worked in Beijing and helped me connect with a good job. ?, I also snatched my friend’s boyfriend
Life in Beijing is very good, which somewhat comforts my wounded heart and allows me to slowly get rid of the shadows of the past. Ah Zhen was very considerate of me, and she drew me into her circle of friends. After work, we make friends and go traveling, photography, and going to bars together… Our life is very bourgeois and very fulfilling.
I made another group of young friends of the opposite sex, some of whom were very interesting to me. Ah Zhen advised me to pick someone here to be my boyfriend. I also wanted to find a boyfriend, so I accepted some invitations from the opposite sex and went on several dates through introductions, but I still couldn't find the slightest bit of passion or impulse to fall in love.
The person who chased me the most closely was Xiaobing, who was in the clothing business. Xiaobing often invites Ah Zhen and me out to eat, and every time he comes, he always carries big and small bags, which are full of new clothes he has purchased, and gives gifts to Ah Zhen and me. "If you want to buy it, we can't afford it. If you want to give it away, we won't be able to get paid for nothing." But Xiaobing is very good at talking, "I'm asking you to try it on. It's your help. Yes. If you come to my store for a while, I'm sure to get some business." Xiao Bing's words always make Ah Zhen accept the clothes with a smile on his face. Xiaobing came for me. Ah Zhen saw this and said that he was taking advantage of me and suggested that I consider Xiaobing. Ah Zhen once joked: "It's good to have a boyfriend who is in the clothing business. At least I don't have to pay for clothes." I also laughed and said, "I'm not interested in clothes. If you are interested, just become the boss's wife."
My indifference disappointed Xiaobing, and he began to turn his "main attack direction" towards Ah Zhen. Ah Zhen once asked me if I was really not interested in Xiao Bing at all. I said yes, Xiaobing and I can only be friends. Ah Zhen asked again: "You don't want it. I'm really going to take action."
Ah Zhen and Xiao Bing really fell in love. The two soon became a couple, and before long, Ah Zhen moved out and lived with Xiao Bing. Being alone in the empty room, I began to be tortured by loneliness. I vaguely regretted rejecting Xiaobing. I felt that although Xiaobing was a bit vulgar, he was quite a nice person. I actually felt a little jealous of Ah Zhen…
However, I tried my best to suppress this thought. Having learned a lesson from Hegang, I warned myself not to make the same mistake again.
On Ah Zhen's birthday, we got together again. Ah Zhen and I both drank too much. Xiaobing said that he would take me home first and then pick up Ah Zhen. Xiaobing was very considerate all the way. After getting into the taxi, I was drunk and vomited on his clothes, but he didn't say a word. When I went upstairs, I asked Xiaobing why he was so nice to me. Xiaobing said I asked knowingly. Relying on the strength of my drink, I blamed Xiaobing for why she didn't persist in pursuing me. When I said this, I saw a glimmer of light flashing in Xiao Bing's eyes. I simply asked Xiaobing directly, can we start again? Xiaobing said that he had always regarded Ah Zhen as my substitute.
I didn't expect Xiaobing to break up with Ah Zhen the next day. After Ah Zhen learned the truth, he threw all my things out and regretted having led the wolf into the house. Ah Zhen knew the reason why I left my hometown. She asked me if I had a habit of poaching.
Xiaobing asked me to move to live with him. I said nothing and didn't go. I was haunted by a sense of loss. I suddenly felt that the love I had worked so hard to get was worthless. A week later, I left Beijing, leaving no contact information with Xiaobing and Zhen. I could only play "Evaporate from the World" once. ?,Wandering on the road, reflecting on myself?,In the next year, I stayed in two cities and worked three jobs. There is only one reason for frequent job hopping. I always fall in love with the boyfriends of my colleagues or good friends. But after breaking up with others, I immediately lose interest in the lover I "snatched" at the risk of ruining my reputation, so I have no choice but to go behind the scenes. He scolded and walked away.
I have always been troubled by Ah Zhen's questioning. I began to suspect that I had a psychological problem and that I really had a habit of poaching. I also want to have a good relationship and no longer do things that are condemned by public opinion and morality. But no matter how hard I try, I can't control myself and fall in love normally. No matter how good the boys introduced by others are, I can only see their shortcomings. Only someone else's boyfriend can arouse my impulse and desire for love. I called a psychological counselor several times to seek help and made an appointment for in-home consultation. But when things came to pass, I refused to admit that there was something wrong with my psychology. Love is a feeling and I listen to this feeling. I feel like I'm not wrong. If my habit of "poaching" has hurt some people, then the harm I have suffered is enough to "atone" for my sins.
I no longer blame myself for falling in love with someone else's boyfriend. But I didn't expect that a love affair in October last year not only brought trauma to my soul, but also brought me physical trauma. That time was similar to the previous episodes.
I fell in love with the boyfriend of a girl in the office again, and the boy also had the idea of moving on to another relationship. But that girl had a very violent temper. As soon as she learned that my boyfriend's change was caused by me, she warned me and advised me to stay away from her boyfriend. I didn't take her words seriously, but told her disdainfully that it was no wonder her boyfriend changed his mind because she had such a bad temper.
Two days later, on my way home after working the late shift, someone put a bag over my head and was beaten. I heard someone shout, "Beat this shameless pervert…" and punches and kicks rained down on me. When I woke up, I found that my face was completely swollen. I didn't go to work for more than a week, and I didn't report the crime. When the swelling on my face was almost gone, I resigned and returned to my hometown to continue healing.
When I got home, I found that people seemed to be avoiding me, especially my relatives and friends who were dating my boyfriend, and they were afraid to let my boyfriend come into contact with me. I became a "virus" in their eyes. My hometown gave me no warmth at all. As soon as I recovered from my injury, I immediately set out to work with many doubts.
While wandering, can I still fall in love with a boy who is not someone else's boyfriend? I always fall in love with the boyfriends of my relatives and friends. I don’t know if this is fate or if I am really mentally abnormal?
Editor's postscript: Keren is a beautiful girl, but perhaps because of this, her criteria for choosing friends are so stringent, and the feeling she is looking for has not yet arisen. When she sees others living in two places, she A trace of envy and jealousy inevitably arises in her heart, and when her heart ripples and she develops a liking for the boyfriends of relatives and friends, her beautiful appearance often makes these boys fascinated by her. But in fact she may not really love them. So in the end, it was not only her who was hurt, but also her friends and her boyfriend. It is recommended that Keren go see a psychiatrist. The key is to change his mentality and lower his requirements appropriately. The best choice is to find a suitable boyfriend as soon as possible, fall in love and get married. I also hope that young men and women will take this as a warning and never be invaded by this "virus".