The charm of maturity is more fascinating, and it is a lasting attraction.
I just saw a topic on Zhihu Hot Search and thought of Gao Xiaosong.
When Gao Xiaosong first met Xi Youmi, she was only 17 years old. She was innocent, beautiful and inexperienced. He saw a white jasmine blooming on the stage. Gao Xiaosong, 36, fell in love with her at first sight.
Gao Xiaosong pursued her all the way and married Xi Youmi regardless of the opposition of his family.
In front of the media, Gao Xiaosong once declared:
"My wife's basic worldview was shaped by me. Her views on the world, even the music she listens to and the movies she watches, are all influenced by me. This makes us both have the same ideas for the most part. I think this is very happiness."
But in less than seven years, Gao Xiaosong lost the little girl he desperately wanted to marry.
One day in 2013, the marriage certificate of Gao Xiaosong and Xi Youmi turned into a divorce agreement.
The reason is not that Xi Youmi did anything wrong, nor that he fell in love with someone else, but because the two have differences in their lifestyles and future plans.
In a chapter, Xi Youmi once said:
One day, Xiaosong returned home and quietly told me that he wanted to end this marriage. The reason was that he felt unhappy with me and wanted more freedom and creative space.
Men tend to fall in love with innocent and lovely girls, but after living together and under various tests, they feel that such women cannot reach his spiritual world and cannot understand his spiritual level, and then they will have nothing to say.
This is not only true for talented people, but also for ordinary people.
Shu Ting said in "To the Oak":
If I love you – I will never be like a climbing flower, showing off on your high branches;
If I love you – I will never imitate the infatuated bird, repeating monotonous songs for the green shade;
I must be a kapok tree near you, standing with you as the image of a tree.
The roots are clenched in the ground; the leaves are touching in the clouds.
Love not only loves your majestic body, but also loves the position you insist on and the land under your feet.
To put it simply: the best model of love is mutual dependence and independence, and as separate individuals, you can live your own wonderful life.
Balanced levers are also needed in the relationship between the sexes. If one party is too strong and the other is too weak, the balance will eventually be lost and problems will arise more or less.
There is a particularly popular question on Zhihu: What is it like to fall in love with a mature woman?
Someone in the comments said: I usually fall into her gentleness, but in times of crisis I am pulled back by her strength.
Some people say: Know how to love your lover the way he needs.
Some people say: If you fall in love with a young girl, you will find that drinking by yourself is more interesting; if you fall in love with a mature woman, you will soon find that drinking with her is more interesting than drinking alone.
I have seen such a story on Douban before.
After watching a movie, I thought about my ex-girlfriend and smoked on the balcony while the cold wind blew.
She saw it but didn't say anything, so I guess she knew.
Before going to bed, she said to me: I know you have not forgotten her, and I don’t expect you to forget her completely, but I hope you know that loving someone is not about missing her after she is gone, but when she is still there. Time to cherish.
Young girls will cry, make trouble, and hang themselves; young girls will break up directly; young girls need you to coax again and again.
A mature woman can see through everything; a mature woman can see through everything but will not make trouble unreasonably; a mature woman will use the most appropriate way to communicate problems.
Why are mature women so attractive?
Because most mature women have experienced a certain amount of social worldliness and have relatively mature ideological outlook. When considering issues, they not only start from themselves, but also stand from a man's perspective and consider others.
In the world of gender, men and women are not biological entities on the same channel.
Love occupies the vast majority of life for women. They are not afraid of not having a job or suffering hardships with men, but they are afraid that men will not like her and hope that men will pay more attention to her.
Men are different. Apart from love, men also have their own world. It is difficult for a man to have more energy to take care of a woman. He hopes that someone can understand him.
Therefore, when he is young, a man may be greedy for the innocence and beauty of young girls, but when he matures and has experienced some life experiences, he will prefer mature and attractive women.
Men like to be with mature women
In fact, mature women have a charm. They will not be attached to men and will actively explore their own self-worth.
Just like Priscilla and Zuckerberg, Zuckerberg is a billionaire on the Forbes list, but even so, Priscilla has never given up on her career dream and contributed her strength to the world. Become Zuckerberg’s career attachment.
Zuckerberg said:
“She was the kind of woman who always knew what she was going to do and worked hard to do it.”
Most women like mature men, on the one hand because mature men have stable careers and financial foundation; on the other hand, because they have mature ideas that can lead us to move forward better.
In the same way, boys think the same way. The more mature a man is, the more he likes a woman to see issues from the same level as him.
Therefore, when a woman wants to covet the mature charm of a man, she must also mature herself and cultivate a spiritual world that can parallel it.
1. Learn to control your emotions
In life, we always have many moments when our hearts are full of negative emotions, and we feel like they will burst out at any time.
When you are in a bad mood, you will vent your anger on the people around you and may even hurt others with your words;
When you disagree, you want to deny or completely overturn the other person's point of view;
When things don't go as expected, I feel irritable and feel unhappy about everything I see.
These will always happen in a long life, but when you let these emotions burst out at will, not only will you not feel comfortable, but you will hurt others, yourself, and destroy interpersonal relationships.
someone said:
Doing what you should do instead of just doing what you like is one of the signs of maturity.
The same goes for controlling your emotions.
It’s not that a mature person has no temper, but he knows how to control his emotions; it’s not that a mature person won’t lose his temper, but he knows that doing so can’t solve any problems.
Even if you are angry, you will not speak out; even if you disagree, you will never hurt others; even if you are reasonable, you will not be aggressive.
Everyone has a lot of dissatisfaction, but when you learn to give in and learn to change your perspective, in retrospect you will be glad that you did so in the first place.
2. Know how to get along with yourself
·Bauerlein once said a classic saying:
One of the signs of a person's maturity is to understand that 99% of the things that happen to him every day are completely meaningless to others.
This is just like our life. We will encounter many people and many things in our life, but 99% of them have nothing to do with us, and truly mature people will only live the 1% well.
I used to think that the way to live a fulfilling life was to call friends, one round after another, and then move on after the next round.
But when we run around repeatedly for social circles, agree to agree with others just to look at their eyes, look at the circle of friends with hundreds or even thousands of people, and think about the many things we have done before, we feel more and more empty.
Yang Jiang said:
"We look forward to recognition from the outside world so much, but in the end we realize that the world belongs to us and has nothing to do with others."
A mature person should know how to get along with himself.
Don’t get upset just because you are alone, you can be fine even if you are alone; don’t go to all social activities, understand that there are often only a few people who really affect you; understand that what you like is the most important, and you don’t need to please others to fill your heart of vacancies.
3. Be able to accept the vagaries of the world.
Many beautiful aspects of the world will appear in books, hard work will be rewarded, and relationships will last long…
But one day you will understand that the world is much more complicated than the book.
A truly mature person can accept the vagaries of the world. It doesn’t mean to be sophisticated or tactful, but to be transparent and refined after experiencing the world.
Understand that in this world, hard work may not necessarily result in reward, and there are too many uncontrollable factors affecting it, but don’t give up, because if you don’t work hard, there will be no reward.
Understand that in this world, there is no right or wrong, and others have no obligation to help you. If I am willing to help you, that is a favor; if I am not willing to help you, that is a duty.
Understand that in this world, lasting love is of course a good wish, but others can accompany you for a while, but they cannot accompany you for a lifetime. When the road of life reaches a fork in the road, when it’s time to say goodbye, don’t hold on to it.
Nietzsche said that the maturity of many people is just that the edges have been worn away by the world and they have become worldly and realistic. That is not maturity, but mental decline and loss of personality.
The true maturity of a person is the courage to face life and still love life.
